Heavy Heart...

I write this post with a heavy heart... In just a matter of hours, I will be dropping off my girls at daycare and heading back to work after just 7 weeks off. I have so enjoyed my maternity leave and I sure wish it could last longer. Don't get me wrong. I love what I do outside the home but there is a part of me that longs to be home with my girls every day...but right now this is our life and I am embracing every minute of it.

Say a prayer for our little family of four...

Happy Birthday "Aunt" Jenn

To the friend who has been there for me countless times... to my maid of honor who decorated my house while I was on my honeymoon... to the friend who has spoiled my first daughter with countless gifts and continues to do so now that I have two daughters...

I don't know if I know anyone else who is so selfless and caring...Jenn you are a true gem and one of a kind. We love you! Happy Birthday!

Chubby Bunny

First smile...

Well not the first smile but the first one I caught on camera... I just love my little Emma.

The official announcement of baby Emma...

bubbly...

This is the song that I listened to during my labor with Emma. I don't know what it is but I am an emotional basket case these days... hearing this song on the radio brings me to tears and not because I remember the pain of labor but because I remember what this song brought me... another beautiful baby girl. I am so overwhelmed with thankfulness and humbled by the beautiful little blessings in my life...

Take a listen:

A whole lot of nothing...

I don't really have much to say other than that I have to go back to work soon and I am looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time. I long for some structure and routine but I know that is also going to mean even less sleep than the usual 6 hours I get now... and folks I like my sleep. I used to get about 9-10 hours a night and now, well let's just say Emma isn't sleeping thru the night yet and Anna was at 3 weeks... but I can't really complain because Emma is totally cool with being in her car seat and riding in the car and Anna, yikes - i wouldn't even get out of the driveway before she would be screaming bloody murder! So I guess it is a bit of a trade... Emma is better in the car and Anna was better at sleeping at night... not sure which is better.

As for the rest of our happenings, man alive I hate that I can't get out the door til at least 10:30 most days... I had completely forgotten how much goes into being prepared and I love to be prepared but my goodness, I have got to get a groove going or I am never going to get to work on time.

Here are some pics of us... Anna in the cowgirl boots is a fave of mine. Somewhere in a dusty photo album is a pic of me about the same age wearing a diaper and boots... like mother like daughter... and the one of Emma I call funny face... isn't she pretty?

In love...

As I watched yet another episode of Runway Moms on Discovery today, I was touched by something said during the show. A mom on the show talked about how in love she was with her husband the day her first child was born and then again with her second. Her comments brought me to tears and they were not tears of sadness but tears of overwhelming joy. All my life all I ever wanted was to be married and have children and be a mom. And here I am with all of those things... I have a husband who I am so deeply in love with, sometimes it overwhelms me. You see, I married my Mr. Perfect. My husband is generous, thoughtful, compassionate and an amazing father. He puts up with my quirky ways and obsessiveness about the littlest things... he laughs at me when any normal person would flat out be mad at me. On top of loving me, he loves his daughters so much and that makes me love him even more. I don't know how women can go thru the birth experience and not wonder, why this man would put up with all this? It starts with 9 months of moodiness, cravings, complaining and the need to call all over the country for the perfect little rain boots to go with the perfect little jacket (she never wore the boots by the way but I got 'em!) Then comes the labor experience and then the recovery experience... when I had Anna I needed Adam to help me heal. I needed help in the shower, getting dressed, going to the bathroom - all things that normally I would keep private. I was completely in need of my husband and you know what, he stepped right in and helped and made me feel like I was still beautiful despite the weird underwear and pads the size of Rhode Island - a far cry from the undergarments of earlier years...

Here i am today, a good 40 pounds heavier that I ever thought I would be and you know what, my husband still tells me I am beautiful and still kisses me when he gets home from work... he takes care of me in ways I never thought anyone could and he helps me to relax and enjoy life and not rush through it... I hope that our daughters grow up seeing his shining example and strive to be just like their daddy. I love you Adam.


Daddy and his first little girl

I miss Grandma...

Man was I spoiled? I had my step-mom staying with us for the first three weeks of little Emma Rose's life and now she has gone back to Michigan... She left last Thursday and I thought I could handle this but I am so tired. Man I had no idea how much sleep I was getting while she was here... She would take Emma until about 2a.m. or so and then I would take over for the next feeding and then go back to bed til around 8 or so... i know, I know i was so spoiled and not to mention that Anna was going to daycare two days a week! I dont' think I can ever thank Jan enough for being here to help out and being away from her home and her bed for so long... thank you Grandma Jan. And now here I am by myself with both girls. It is 9:30 on a monday morning - Anna and I are watching cartoons and Emma is snoozing... I have to go to Target today to return sometime and buy some bibs for little miss spit-up. I am thinking about going to the park with the girls but I don't know if I am brave enough - last Friday I took them both on a walk and after a couple of blocks Anna was crying because she wanted to be carried and I had Emma in the Baby Bjorn (I love that thing!)

So to my mommies who are juggling two babies full time, please tell me your secret. I am only home til August 30 and then back to work full time so I just don't know how it is all going to work. I am nervous about leaving Emma with daycare. I want her to be cuddled all day like I do with her.

Please any tricks to balancing house work and two little ones... tell me!

Baby weight...

My motivation is dwindling... I am down 27 pounds in just three weeks after having Emma but the scale has stopped magically going down day after day... you see, I haven't done anything to try to lose those first 27 pounds but I sure can tell you what I did to gain it in three words - McDonald's, Wendy's and Blizzards... yikes I know, I know... at least with this pregnancy I only gained 40 pounds... and I have 13 left to lose but I am aching to dust off my pre-pregnancy clothes now... I hate to buy transitional clothes - it seems like such a waste. Thank goodness for Ebay. I just sold all of my maternity close and profited a good $250 by doing it. I would recommend Ebay to anyone who wants to clean out the closets and make a little more than you would at a garage sale.

Ok enough about Ebay - boy is it easy to get sidetracked... probably because I am not a big fan of the "weight" topic. You see the reason I am in such a hurry to lose weight is because I want to feel as good as I did the day I got married. Adam and I are going on a trip to Florida for his 30th birthday in October and I want to look like I did when we met... not just for me but for my husband. And aside from that, we are having our family pictures taken the last weekend in September and I know these are going to be photos we will treasure for a lifetime so I want to look on the outside how I feel on the inside. Does all of this sound shallow? I hope not.

Well I joined the local gym and now I just have to get motivated to go there. I have never lost weight easily and I am quickly discouraged so if any of you have any words of wisdom or good old fashioned encouragement - I'll take it!

I sure do love sharing my thoughts with everyone out there... there is a sense of release and sanity in sharing the thoughts of the mind especially when I am so far from the people I treasure the most - my friends... I don't say it enough - I miss and love all of you!

We are safe.

Not sure if many of you know, but a major bridge in Minneapolis just collapsed about 2 1/2 hours ago. I am writing to all of you to let you know that our family is safe. Neither Adam or myself or any of our friends and family take this route on a daily basis. We do use this bridge to go to the cabin some weekends.

Please pray for those injured and frightened by this tragic event.

We love you all.